Late Krampus Review (Sort Of) *No Spoilers*
Oh hello there! New person here who you’ve never heard or read of before! Well let me give you a small intro, my name is Bowtai (not my real name) and I’m friends with all these crazy people that you listen to and read about. I am also a huge geek and love to be part of the madness that is the geeky/nerdy world. I love comic books, books, video games, and the like! But that’s enough about me, let’s get down to the review!
So I watched Krampus ( pronounced Krumpus, by the way) a few days after it came out and I actually really enjoyed it! Unlike most people that I’ve heard talk about this movie. To be fair, I was originally a fan of the mythology that is Krampus! I love the idea that there is an evil side to Santa Claus and Christmas, maybe I’m just cynical that way, but it can’t all be rainbows and sunshine! So as a disclaimer, if you love Christmas and Santa Claus (looking at you Q) then you probably won’t like this movie. Also, if you’re going into this movie thinking that you’ll piss your pants, you too will be disappointed. It’s not that scary if anything it’s a bit comical. Trust me, I still get nightmares from scary movies and I slept soundly after watching this one. BUT if you like the idea of a more twisted view of Christmas and a modern twist to this very old mythology like me, then you will be very satisfied!
Now for the good:
The good things (or: what I found cool about this movie) are the ways that the mythology was explained. First, though, let me give you a little run-down of what that mythology is. It goes like this: Back in the olden days, I’m talking like centuries ago, the story would be that Saint Nicholas would reward the “nice” kids and would send his dear old friend Krampus to the naughty kids. Krampus, described as an evil looking satyr with horns and a serpentine tongue (see pic below), would come down on Krampus day (the eve of Dec. 5th) and beat kids with birch sticks, whip them with horse hair, and then stuff the kids in a bag that closely resembled Santa’s and drag them to hell for a year. F***ed up, I know. Especially since Santa was actually in cahoots ( what a fun word, cahoots!) with this guy!**
Now the 2015 movie version is a little different. In the movie it says that Krampus comes down three days before Christmas to punish those who have lost hope in the Christmas spirit. They also describe Krampus as the “Shadow of Santa Claus”, as in the yin to his yang. Which I found interesting! They really did a good job at showing that with the monster. He’s still a horned satyr, but he has certain key features like a long scraggly white beard and a red coat.
Like I said earlier, if you love Christmas, you’re not going to like this movie. I went with someone who loves Christmas and scary movies so she was going in thinking that this was going to be scary for the most part and then have a happy Christmas ending. No, that is not the case! Krampus (in the movie), goes around and kills everybody in the town that they live in, then proceeds to either kill or drag everybody else in the family to hell. The only other bad things I can really say about this movie is that the way that they deal with the daughter of the main family is completely unrealistic! They go out to save her but the moment something else happens they get completely distracted and forget about her! Also, the old German or Dutch grandma is the one to tell the family of the story of Krampus and her own experience in it they way that she talks about it makes her sound that she lived in the 1800s or something and that is just completely impossible for her to still be alive to tell the story. Even in a fictional movie like this one!
All in all, I thought it was a good movie! It had its funny moments, its bad-ass moments, and its emotional moments. All of which are things that make a movie great. Plus it has a 7 out of 10 rating on IMDb, so it can’t be that bad right?
If there’s anything you can take away from this review it’s, hide yo kids, hide yo wives, because Krampus is killing everybody out here!!